I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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