Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
