we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize