you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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