My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize