I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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