I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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