Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
