He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
