Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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