I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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