Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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