i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
