I'm going to jail i love you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize