You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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