my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
