I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
