And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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