Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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