so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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