I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
