yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
