he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
