wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
