Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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