cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
