So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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