it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
