It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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