Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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