Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We are all done wearing pants today
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
