I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
