i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize