I can tuck mytits in my pants
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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