I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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