Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
