he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
