I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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