I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She bit a glass in half.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
