Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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