It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
