It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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