I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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