At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
