Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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