hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
