A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
