im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
