I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
