Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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