She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
