Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
