i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
