It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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