i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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