woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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