so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
