apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
a search helicopter?!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
