I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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