I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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