Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she smelled like a LAN party
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You ate ashes out of my bong
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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