Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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