Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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