a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize