Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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