come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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