We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
