I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
