Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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