I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
