I faked an abortion last night.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
