1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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