Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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