i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
