I showed him my bush... on skype.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
